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  • The  question of whether Matts Sundin is more boring on or off the ice continues. [Newsday]
  • Lindy Ruff said some bad things about Ryan Miller, who was unable to counter with a Mom joke in the time allotted to do so. [Buffalo News]
  • Everyone is ready to admit that Brett Hull is an idiot for signing Sean Avery and that everything wrong with the Stars is all their fault. [Star Telegram]
  • The Sabres, who are currently for sale, have strongly denied that they are for sale. Oh and they might move to Hamilton! Brrr! [Toronto Star]

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  • The last time he was in Montreal, Patrick Roy gave up 9 goals, yelled at the owner and then ran home with all his equipment on. Everyone will get together on Saturday and pretend none of it ever happened when Roy has his #33 finally retired against the Bruins. [Sporting News]
  • Jordin Tootoo is exactly like this guy Brice I played with once. He skated around like crazy smashing into everything and everyone whether they were on his team or not. All this did was make the other team win by alot more. [Tennessean]
  • The Senators and their dumpster trash fans suck hard this year but that’s got nothing to do with Alex Auld. [Globe Sports]
  • Chris Osgood might have benefited a bit from being on some legendary teams (ie: The 2001 New York Islanders), but he’s about to be 13th all-time in wins. He is a very nice man! Hah, also at the bottom of this post is a fun blurb about Chris Chelios “not feeling good” about his injury (broken leg). [Freep]

  • The Maple Leafs will spend 4 million dollars this year to have Jason Blake be a healthy scratch and eat Dippin’ Dots in the press box. [NHL Fanhouse]
  • Back in the 1990’s, the New York Rangers brought the country to it’s knees by going after Joe Sakic when he was a restricted FA with Colorado. They offered him a fancy pantsed $7 million a year as well as an ultra elitist signing bonus in order to destroy the league. Now it’s going to happen again with some other guy. [Denver Post]
  • The Oilers have a towering erection but still can’t make babies. [Edmonton Sun]
  • The ultra bitter San Jose Sharks hate themselves for not beating the Flyers in regulation. Loudmouth castoff Jeremy Roenick scored in the shootout. [Mercury News]

  • Mike Commodore is the most bizarre person on earth and he’s got the black briefs / cash to prove it. He also said he was ‘just clownin.’ I don’t know what that is. [BlueJacketsXtra]
  • Being a sports fan now consists of getting attached to young players and then watching leave you for someone better looking who has more money and is more popular. [TSN]
  • Canadien government stormtroopers assaulted a local merchant for trying to earn a living. [Toronto Sun]
  • Some sleeveless fatso movie nerd made this horror movie sequel themed mask for Olaf Kolzig… for a good cause. [TampaBay.com]
  • Some people got together and realized the disgusting elitist rabies ladened fans of Ontario are so bad that they should will maybe could possibly think about maybe having a SECOND team. [Slam!]
  • Sergei Federov is old. Doesn’t that make YOU feel old? [WaPo]

    • Blues backup goalie Chris Mason ate jagged metal Krusty-O’s and had an emergency whatcha callit to fix it. Nah nah just playin’: He had “Emergency Apendectory Surgery”, which means he ate jagged metal Krusty-O’s and is out for two weeks. Feel better! St Louis is like, kind of a ghetto sort of , right? [Blues.com]
    • Supermodel princess Sean Avery got booed for being a moron, and pro-America good guy Mike Modano scored the game winnerin Dallas’ 2-1 victory over the Rangers, who are now in an indisputable freefall after losing 2 in a row. [TSN]
    • Curtis Joseph held an on-ice Learning Annex type thing where he went over the “psychological art” of the shootout by telling his offense how easy it is to score on him. [SLAM!]
    • The snarling beast that is the Edmonton Oilers media relations dept. turned beat read and threw a blogger out of the press box for unprofessionally eating ice cream. [Covered In Oil]
    • I’ve been to Boston 1 time(s) but they call me every year for season tickets. It sweet. Here is their owner Jeremy Jacobs dropping funnies left and right: “I think they’ll be more consistent, bigger than they have been, pretty skilled and faster.” Hah, the Bruins are the Stanley Cup Champions of drinking milk. Oh and he talks some more about the economy being bad and since the Bruins are in an arena owned by a bank, the foreclosed Bruin fans will descend on the arena and eat all the bolts and rafters holding it in place. [Boston Herald]
    • The very level headed Brian Burke flew to Toronto with the Ducks to apply directly for the Leafs GM job, which is the worst job anyone can have anywhere in the world aside from doing a satirical hockey blog for free. [Star.com]

    • The very ungood lead vocalist of Def Leppard acted like a douche and put the Stanley Cup upside down on a table at the NHL season opener in Detroit. Not yet embalmed but still real real elderly defenseman Chris Chelios was all like “!”.  [NHL Fanhouse]
    • The Daniel Alfredsson has a game he plays after practice with the younger Senators called “The Cobra,” there are quick “thrashes” and “snakes” involved. So so so decadent. [SLAM!]
    • Alex “Ovachuk” Ovechkin didn’t record a point, but the Capitals electorally charged back from a 3 goal deficit with 21 shots (that’s ALOT of shots!) in the third period to beat Pittsburgh 4-3. Ovechkin tried to call it a statement game, but since he speaks anything but fluent English all that came out were pops, cracks and buzzes. [Washington Post]
    • The very naughty Martin Brodeur shutout Atlanta and is now only some numbers away from doing something numerical significant if you like that sort of thing which no one does. [Star Ledger]

    • Fabio single handedly defeated the Nashville Predators with a hattrick in his first NHL game. He said he tired of acting after his cameo and Exorcist III and didn’t want to get smashed in the face by a bird again. [Dallas News]
    • Scumbag porcelain-dolled fancy Sean Avery does a walk-n-talk with Get Kempt about being fancy, and a scumbag.  [GetKempt]
    • LOL, my roommate “Spence” guaranteed that the Rangers would go 82-0 this season. God heard his gooberish prediction and thrust the Sabres upon him. Hah he was so wrong. [NY Post]
    • Obviously Marc Savard is on pace to score 137 goals and shatter Wayne Gretzky’s record. The Bruins are so inspired by his individual efforts that they’ve decided to be horrible instead of just bad this season. [TSN]

      • The beloved film actor Barry Melrose (Mystery Alaska) hasn’t won a game yet with Tampa. Despite having to fly to Chernobyl and play two games inside Reactor # 4, the expectations for this team were a bit elevated by drafting Stamkos (0 points in 3 games) and having a media darling as their head coach. The froth mouthed Tampa Bay media is already besieging Barry for not playing the young man more. Is the honeymoon over? [St. Petersburg Times]
      • Despised manslaughterist Todd Bertuzzi threatened to turn brother against brother when he signed with Calgary in the offseason. The arguements over whether he was bad or good for the team were heated and widespread. Oh but look he scored a few goals here early in the season so everything’s fine now and all is forgiven (except for Steve Moore who he tried to kill that time). [TSN]
      • Speaking of TB, Jim Kelley of Sports Illustrated gives him the business in his latest column and concludes that Bertuzzi’s whole “I’ve suffered enough” bit is absolute trash. [SI]
      • San Jose is off to their best start in franchise history, but there is some sort of sad sack thing going on with Rob Blake having to play against the Kings (his former team that he left and then went back to again). That’s what matters.. the human angle. [Mercury News]

      • Eternally brain-damaged Ryan Hollweg (you remember this, dont you?) returned from a two game suspension and was promptly suspended again for boarding some itai on St. Louis. [Toronto Star]
      • Hah, the Vancouver Sun sums it up pretty well: “It was a disaster. The Vancouver Canucks lost 5-1 to the Washington Capitals. And it was broadcast in high-definition.” Washington held Vancouver to only 10 shots on goal. Boooooring. [Vancouver Sun]
      • The way sad / odd saga of Mike Danton and his weird creep agent David Frost continues, with Frost’s trial starting this morning in Napanee, Ontario. [Slam! Sports]
      • Rangers prospect Alexei Cherepanov died of an apparent heart attack on the bench during a game in Russia yesterday. For some reason, there was no ambulance at the arena and it took FORTY FIVE minutes for one to get there. The Rangers and Devils had a moment of silence for Alexei before last night’s game at the Garden. [NY POST]

      • Ryan Smyth miraculously managed to avoid crying, sobbing, snorting or gnashing his teeth against his former Edmonton Oilers, but still lost on a BEAUTIFUL tip-in by Dustin Penner with 5.4 seconds left. You now get to drink from a big boy cup! [Edmonton Journal]
      • Michael Peca has been suspended indefinitely by the NHL for confusing a Ref with Darcy Tucker and beating him to death. Hah just having a laugh, he sort of bumped into the ref and grabbed his arm and the ref is just a huge pussy. [Columbus Dispatch]
      • All NHL players will sign contracts of AT LEAST 40 years with their respective teams. Young LA King Anze Kopitar is among the latest to do so. [LA Times]